Peru (Part 1)

Day 27: Eight o'clock border crossing canoe never showed. Patient Zero may back out due to stomach issues he blames on the Malaria meds. I think it may be the fact he eats and drinks everything without consideration. Not exactly a great "control group" but definitely a willing guinea pig. He did give us his "business card" with an email address at youandiforever.us...this guy is definitely wanted somewhere for something. Found a border crossing canoe and good news, the gang is all here. I now know why they can lose this "cargo ship". 70', three "decks", and a nice white and rust two-tone paint job. Should be a fun four days. Pantoja feels much more like the amazon. River monster filets, wild boar being carried to slaughter, and my water bottle being stolen (sorry Jeff Gardner). Very authentic. Met a French couple who've been waiting for five days for a boat to Iquitos. Looks like we lucked out.

Day 28: Pantoja wake-up calls: 0500 - Pig being slaughtered 0600 - Marching band. Literally, a marching band...that knows one song. 0730 - Torrential downpour 0900 - The smell of pig Thankfully once the rain started everything else shut up. Not like the pig had a choice. Having trouble with my GPS. Perfect timing. Witnessed a town fair complete with tug-of-war, eating contest, greased pole, and the suspect marching band. Hoping to play a game of soccer with the locals but it appeared a fairly organized and closed affair. Moved to the boat. Hammock and rain fly set up easily. Staked claim to a corner on the upper deck with with French couple, now known as Base Camp Gringo.

Day 29: Officially there are three bathrooms and two showers, but one bathroom is for laundry and one shower for cleaning fish so... Skipped the rice and milk with stale bread and went with bread and Nutella. Heard rumors of chicken for lunch but very thankful I picked up standby tuna and crackers. A local is listening to "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. This is probably the largest boat they've been on, and the closest they will get to sinking. Averaging less than four kilometers an hour due to the stops. Sometimes as many as three per kilometer. Not exactly champions of efficiency. I can't imagine these families knew as little about this boat schedule as we did or they would be staring at the river for over a week. I guess that's not completely out of the question. Definite rhythm to the jungle, although as a gringo it's as though you can "hear" it, but you can't "listen" to it.

Day 30: Finally tried the food this morning. Ended up feeding it to my new neighbor the chicken. I hope it gets fat enough so they cook it. Had to use the bathroom. May be the most technical bathroom use ever. Filthy, swaying boat, pitch black, and no room for good squat form. When life is good on the boat, it's really good. When it's bad, it's really...annoying. Who knew this border crossing would be such the emotional roller coaster. Made myself workout after laying in the hammock for hours and doing nothing more strenuous than lifting a cigarette. Sun shining, taught local kids eight-count body builders, and watched the sun set with a cold beer and popcorn. Roller coaster may have peaked.

Day 31: Brought a bull on board...with a canoe. Day 32: Officially on the Rio Amazonas. Iquitos by 15:00. Figured out the bathroom. Just needed a headlamp and carabiner. Arrived in Iquitos. Feels like a slice of India was dropped into the Amazon. Found a diner with a decent hamburger, with which I did terrible things.

Day 33: Iquitos has totally redeemed itself. Not that I held anything in particular against it, but the boat cast quite a large net of "guilt by association" Great food, both local and international, trappings of a certified city with a seedy underbelly that would make any comic book proud. The Belen Market was authentic as Otovalo was a tourist fly trap. The decision to take a $2 boat tour of "Little Venice" may be the most fortunate of the trip. Back flips into the Amazon today, pink eye tomorrow. The Amazon continues to bring life even as it's residents do their level best to kill it.

Day 34: Requisite +1 day for packing and planning for a new city. So much conflicting information about purchasing an automobile that it is beyond frustrating, but it has actually only strengthened my resolve to find a way. Erin Booth always said I was hard-headed, let's hope it works in my favor. Plan B is renting one-way from Mendoza to Buenos Aires, but ONLY because it's smart to have a plan B. Lack of WIFI affects your life in an inconceivable amount of ways. Actually went to a travel agency and purchased a plane ticket in person. If shirt and shoes were required the inconvenience would be unbearable. New adventure on the itinerary: Carretara de la Muerte (Road of Death), is supposed to be an incredible mountain bike path outside La Paz. Met a guy who not only discovered the gaps in Darwinian evolution theory, but the explanation in extra-dimensional beings that are a higher life form influencing our world from "The Control Room" (I can only assume it's a proper noun). I may have discovered what happened to Darren Daulton...the Amazon has some powerful drugs.

Day 35: Arrive in Lima, city of 12 million, and no WIFI at the hostel. When you need a taste of the first world the most, the third world never fails to laugh in your face. Successfully countered any culture and worldliness I gained over the past ten days by spending over four hours in a Starbucks. Resolve to get this car purchased and into the country is only growing. Booked transportation and translation. If buying a car isn't possible I want to find out as quickly as possible.

Day 36-38: Comedy of errors and Shakespearean irony in mapping the process to purchase an automobile. It is possible. Looked at eight different automobiles, visited every government agency and four different notaries, and have become thoroughly impressed with the United States ability to streamline the purchase of useless shit. When you may get only one chance at the trip of a lifetime, it probably isn't logical to begin with, so go with the decision that will make for the best story.

Day 39: Raised my ATM and debit card cash advance limits for 24 hours. No banks will do a cash advance with a MasterCard, only Visa and only $500/day. No fee for ATM withdrawals but only $100 at a time. Discover that not only does 20 ATM transactions trigger a fraud alert, but you're only permitted 20 pin transactions a day. One hour on the phone with USAA, 10 more ATM withdrawals, three trips to Western Union for Erin Booth, two notaries to find one that will accept the sellers expired ID...and I own a Toyota Land Cruiser. All that for a throwback Thursday photo.